When kids leave for college, it’s often a time of celebration. There’s excitement for your child’s new life, seeing what they will choose to study and watching them spread their wings. There’s also great sadness. You will no longer see them every day, and there will be no more arguing over chores or sharing stories about their day. You might even lose your sense of purpose as a caretaker. So even though there is great joy, you might also feel sadness. That is grief. Grief is the conflicting feeling caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior. A change in seeing your child every day certainly causes grief.
It can be challenging to acknowledge and get support for your broken heart. Sure, it’s socially acceptable to post on social media the day and the week after your child leaves, but things are expected to return to normal. As life moves forward, you might wonder why you’re so sad. No one died, after all, you might tell yourself, but a change in how often you see your children sure can feel devastating.
It’s normal to minimize your feelings, and well-meaning friends may do the same to try to make you feel better. Too often, people are quick to offer intellectual explanations as to why you shouldn’t feel bad instead of just listening and offering support.
Have you heard these statements after your son or daughter moved out of the house?
- Be grateful that you can talk to her on the phone.
- You will see each other during the holidays.
- Didn’t you raise him to be independent?
- She’s only a two-hour drive away.
- Think of all the free time you’ll have to focus on yourself.
- Now you have the extra space to make the home gym you always wanted.
- Having kids is exhausting anyway.
Grief is caused by a change in a familiar pattern of behavior, and having your child move out can be heartbreaking. Please know that your feelings are normal.
There is help to feel complete with any unfinished emotional baggage you might be carrying from empty nest syndrome.
Learn more about grief and Grief Recovery by downloading The Grief Recovery Method Guide For Loss Ebook today.
